Are We Sleepwalking Through Time?

Reflecting on the Quiet Lost to Digital Noise

So to begin, let’s set the scene. Solo traveling and partaking in my favourite past time – people watching. As I walk towards passport control at Schiphol Airport, Netherlands, I see hordes of people and immediately think to myself…oh here we go, this is going to take a while. If I am honest, I also became instantly frustrated before I had even joined the queue. So, taking the positive from the somewhat enforced and inconvenient negative delay, it gave me a chance to slow down, observe and think.

Looking back, I was both saddened and concerned by what I saw. People with their heads down, staring at the screens on their phones, intermittently typing whilst mindlessly shuffling forwards around the tedious zig zag barriers, waiting for their turn to be seen. I am not talking just the odd person; I mean the vast majority.

Despite the large physical presence, the mental presence and energies was somewhat lacking. People seemed absent, pre-occupied. They did not appear excited or joyful that they had just touched down in a different country which presumably meant new adventures and experiences for many. Each existed in their own online world, concurrently to that of another. In fact what first seemed like a crowd or group of people, was more like a heard. Just lines of individuals, being funnelled through a process, disengaged and sleepwalking through time. Even couples and families were failing to interact with each other, instead opting to be on their smartphones as a means of entertainment rather than simply being.

It is fair to say that we live in a more complex, divisive, and chaotic world than ever before. As adults, we often struggle to understand the meaning of life and battle to process our feelings. So how is it then that we expect our youth to not only figure out their own feelings, but to also comprehend the feelings and behaviours of adults too.  How can society expected them to remain balanced and have good mental health in this superficial and detached environment that we have not only created, but are promoting and enhancing further.

In many ways we have never had it so easy. We have technology at our fingertips providing instant gratification at the click of a button. In developed societies there is a rule of law, human rights legislation, governance, and people are given the freedom of speech. We can even ‘splash the cash’ and get instant credit in a matter of minutes, allowing us to buy luxury goods without the hardship of saving a penny.

If we don’t know the answer to a question, then Google or Alexa it is, opting for the path of least resistance by verbally inviting these electronic devices (underpinned by commercialisation) to provide us with the solution to all our problems. We make an unconscious assumption that the most suitable answer will be retrieved, having derived from a validated source without any predetermined bias. Gone are the days of grabbing your Oxford Encyclopaedia from the bookshelf and running your finger down the index to find the page you want.   

There is no need to walk into your local bank branch to enquire about a mortgage or withdraw money from your account. In fact, your local branch probably no longer exists, instead being replaced by a modern eatery, fancy bar or multi occupancy dwelling. If you want that extravagant holiday, then there are no excuses. Whatever the time or location you can get online and search the likes of Trip Advisor, Expedia or Trivago to make a booking and compare market prices.

Whether it be Trip advisor, Amazon or Glassdoor, it has become an unquestionable norm to rely on the reviews, views and standards of people that we don’t even know, have never met, and may not even exist in real life, to help select that special destination, product or even the organisation we accept to work for. The fact that there could be an ulterior motive behind the published review, such as being purposefully critical to get a free upgrade, competitive sabotage, or a dispute behind closed doors seems to go a miss.

In the intelligence world an ‘unknown’ source is graded much lower then tested sources, so why is it that we deem this to be ok. Trusting the integrity of data that we have absolutely no clue about to make life impacting decisions.

Finally, we do not even need to go to the local newsagents to pick up our favourite magazines or newspaper, where we have to interact with the shopkeeper. The alternative is to follow our best-loved celebrities or click on the app of our selected media giant to get 24/7 365 news feeds and notifications. We unconsciously scroll through reems of repetitive, at times disingenuous content like zombies, loosing hours of the day and potentially triggering anxious thoughts owing to the amount of negative information being consumed. Again allowing ourselves to be influenced by online sources that can be untrustworthy and known to wilfully publish misinformation to manipulate the reader and human behaviours often for commercial or political gain.     

On reflection, how INSTANT has our world become. Let’s face it, you could be doing all of this whilst multitasking on the school pick up, eating your breakfast on the morning commute, or whilst lying in bed at 3am when you automatically check your phone to ensure the world has not stopped functioning whilst you were asleep. Constant, non-stop interruption is resulting in unrested and tired minds.

Now do not get me wrong, as a working mum of three little ladies convenience is key. The expansion of the digital world has benefited us greatly. We can live busier, fuller lives, juggle working and caring responsibilities, and do tasks like the weekly food shop, booking that much needed salon appointment, taking a gym class or partaking in online learning at any time. It also gives people more financial freedom and inclusion. No longer are we confined to the traditional 9-5 working hours which is a blessing in so many ways. It is also a massive plus for shift workers, who function at completely contrasting times to others and need this type of flexibility and accessibility in their lives.

Let us try something. Wait…Just hold on…. One more moment…I know it is hard, but just hang on in there for another minute or two… Not much longer now…And breathe. I bet that caused slight apprehension or triggered a tightness in your chest even though you were not actually waiting for anything, and simply reading the words. My point here is that we have become extremely impatient, impulsive, and easily irritated because of the amount of information and services that are available at the drop of a hat, forgetting this was not always the way.

I make this point because the negative aspect that is associated with the positives of the instantaneous online world is that our patience is becoming shorter than ever as we are burdened by rapid information overload. We continually chase the feeling of instant gratification, the dopamine hit that comes from getting what we want when we want it. In fact, not only do we want it, but we also now expect it. Be honest with yourself, do you become irritated when the item you are after online takes more than one or two days to deliver? and let’s talk about those blue ticks on WhatsApp. This function has undoubtedly caused many unnecessary arguments because someone has read a message and failed to respond within 0.05 seconds once those two ticks light up like the holy grail.

We have somehow allowed it ok to expect that everyone should be always available to us. If we do not get a prompt response, we can get offended and think others don’t care. Overly dramatic I know – but this unattainable culture is making people ridiculously co-dependent and anxious about everything. Everyone is living their own life, has their own goals and their own responsibilities, but is expected to put these on hold to provide some sort of reassurance to others via a message.

There are lots of other examples I could talk about here, adults being threatening and openly abusive to one another online, people being distracted in work meetings by emails or messages they receive on an electronic device, online gaming, gambling and parents ignoring their children in favour of their phone. In many ways it is offensive, rude, and unhealthy, but is also accepted, addictive and contagious.

Now reflect, and imagine you were a child, watching how adults behave in the digital world, observing how social interaction is reducing to digital mediums, and a lack of boundaries is considered to be ok. No longer do children and teenagers experience the innocence and joy of making true connections in nature and with each other in the same way that people once did. It is like they skip years.

Everything seems intensified and fabricated. In the ‘olden’ days (or not so olden as I would like to think as I hit 40) we absolutely made authentic friendships. It was fun to go out with your mates, ride a bike, kick a footie around the park and have a running race in the street. Very rarely did we make prearranged plans, but spontaneously knocked at our friends’ house to see if they wanted to come out to play.

However, in today’s world, which admittingly is more restrictive, children have become the proud owners of lavish mobile phones and electronic devices. They are part of WhatsApp groups, some of which are made up of people they hardly know, and perhaps don’t even like, succumbing to peer pressure and the fear of missing out. They seek outside validation like never before and are more conscious about what they look like rather than letting themselves go and enjoying the freedom of living an unscripted life.

It is questionable if the children of today even experience the deep rooted, genuine, dependeable connections that children of the past once did. Instead, they are mirroring the toxic online behaviours of adults, who forget they had the luxury of once being in a ‘freer’ world. Generally speaking, the adults of today were able to grow up without the same demands, pressure, and expectations, which can help to claw back a bit of perspective when going down the rabbit hole of digital addiction. If you are like me, you will be relieved that such a reliance on smartphones did not exist. However, that perspective we gained from living in a ‘freer’ environment is missing for our youth, who are propelled into the superficial online world from an early age.

Everyone is distracted and reliant on mobile phones, which in my household is jokingly referred to as Mental Health Disruption Devices (MHDD). I openly admit I fall victim to all these behaviours. When talking about this to my 10-year-old daughter she said phones are like ‘frenemies’ good in one way, and bad in another. A stroke of analogical genius I thought.

So, how do we expect the next generation to feel calm, happy, balanced, confident and be resilient if we as adults struggle to find inner peace, be present, set boundaries and quite frankly get our sh*t together. I am now discovering that we need to recognise the power of pausing to reflect, relish the journey of life and appreciate the pleasure that originates from true, meaningful connections, in the same way that we comprehend the term ‘quality over quantity.’ Our obsession for data and metrics is unquestionably beneficial when it comes to innovation, but has spilled over into the digital world of social media where we are obsessed with numbers of followers or likes and online reviews.  

What is the lesson here? The lesson is to go deeper then surface level, look at the source of the truth and translate that concept to online behaviours. Understand the motive behind peoples likes or dislikes, their desire to connect or not connect, and the aim behind hurtful trolling and online hate. Someone may have five hundred friends on social media, who put a thumbs up against the odd online picture or comment and seem (also feel) popular – but this popularity may not play out in real life. Perhaps that same ‘popular’ person who has five hundred likes and thousands of followers, some of whom may be botnets, doesn’t actually share experiences or emotional connections with people who are there for them no matter what. This is undoubtedly a lonely world, and is adding to the worrying statistic that those aged between 16-29 are more likely to report feeling lonely than those over 70.

It goes without saying, that adults not only have a responsibility to be role models in real life, but also have a digital responsibility, and need to promote social media and online usage for good. It is often reported that social media is one of the biggest contributing factors to depression in adolescents, but I argue that there is a bigger problem, the lack of interaction, constant distractions and poor online behaviour is clearly a contributing factor.  Technology does not adapt to us, we adapt to it, and not always in a positive way.

Conversely there is immense good that comes from the online word too, and it is this that we need to promote and pursue. Empowerment, support, education and staying connected with loved ones. Think about how many people search for expressive quotes, scroll through Instagram and Google to find answers to questions that they would not ask out loud. I know technology is advanced, but it is highly unlikely that if you asked Alexa to find the closest Alcohol Anonymous support group for a friend that the device will turn round and say, ‘but is it for a friend, or is that friend really you’. I jest of course, but you get where I am coming from. There is an element of solitude in doing your own research on sensitive topics and finding helpful resources which may be otherwise unavailable for whatever reason.

So next time you are out and about, become a people watcher too. Observe how people walk past each other and do not look up, instead opting to talk or listen to music on their phone, recognise when you are being distracted by something that is irrelevant, are relying on instant responses from loved ones, and banish negative news feeds that trigger anxious feelings. Instead, pause, look up and smile. Listen to your surroundings. Take note of nature and people around you and encourage children and young people to speak to each other in real life. For them to have deeper, meaningful connections – otherwise the art of verbal communication will soon become extinct, and the mental wellness of future generations will be at an all-time low.  We do not want to leave a legacy of an unhappy and lost society, but sadly this is the direction that we are going in.

Written by Kate Wilson.